Apologies for the slackness, I started this little project whilst I was on holidays and since going back to work have been neck deep in well tiredness 😩.
As I mentioned earlier I am competing in my first season for fitness competitions, in a few different federations to see where I fit and how I go. I am currently sitting at 6 weeks out from my first show and this week has been hard, it's probably the first time where my energy levels have bottomed out, I have thought yeah nah this is messed up why am I doing this, and basically looking at myself going b*tch please you ain't gonna be ready.
Enter comparison... social media is a great tool, but holy shiiiiiit when it comes to this kind of sport it is also the seed of so much self doubt and despair that I wonder why I pick up my phone at all some days. I look at other girls on the same journey and just admire how amazing they look wishing I could just be them instead of me, without stopping to consider what they went through to get to where they were.
Sound familiar? The old the grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realise the other side has damn weeds too and that grass needs constant watering as well.
I guess life is a little like that, you see other people happy and doing things that you want to do, and you look down at yourself in your track pants and messy bun with an errant Netflix series playing and go gosh I wish I was them...
☝🏼soooo guilty!
I have to remind myself daily, sometimes even hourly that my life is the product of my choices and whilst most days I can pull myself out of my funk, some days it gets to me. Like today, we were with some friends, they mentioned going to McDonalds, aaaand I cried..
Mostly because I was hungry, tired and just wishing I could have chicken nuggets (which I don't even like) that's just how effed up my head was. Or when my husband was eating pizza the other night, literally was ready to send him through a wall while I ate my zucchini, chicken and pumpkin.. but he reminded me this is my choice, and he is right.
It's my choice, to let it destroy me or make me stronger. So whilst I have indulged in a little self pity the last week or more, it's time to kick my own backside and get over it.
Ya feel me👊🏼
