Epic caption right?
Those three words pretty much sum up the mental and physical roller coaster I have been on the last 3-4 weeks. Everyone who has every done anything to the extreme, whether it be a sport or academic knows shit gets freaking hectic.
I had the same thing through uni when working full time, I was so overwhelmed all the time and constantly doubted whether I was giving enough. Half the time it wasn't motivation to complete it that got me through it was the habit of sitting down at a certain time and getting the work done regardless of what it was.
I have seen so many posts, blogs, vlogs and so on about motivation and it's true we all lack it, even those at the peak of their chosen profession experience it, but it's how you deal with it that defines you.
And until Friday night, I was letting the pain, and the exhaustion define me.
I ask myself on the reg, who do you want to be? Is it someone who says they will and doesn't or are you someone who says they will and does a half assed attempt, or are you the person who says they are going to do it and blows shit right out of the water, I can tell you I want to be the latter...
Mediocrity is like my least favourite word, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So when I feel like I am giving a half hearted attempt, I am so damn hard on myself. I generally kick my own ass and keep on slogging.
Sometimes that is hard, it's actually really difficult to look yourself in the eye and go you aren't trying as hard as you think you are. The whole You Vs You that's been promulgating social media of late, is entirely accurate.
Competing against others when they are beside you is easy, but competing against the person who will keep your secrets when you don't give 110% is hard, so ask yourself can you live with the outcome based on the effort you gave?
Just like when your body is aching or your mind is telling you to close that book, you need to dig deep to know that what your fighting for is worth more than the instant gratification of rest. Don't get me wrong though you need rest and recovery.
There have been a few times in certain competitions Iv competed in or during my study that Iv gone to that dark place and it's like you have those two conflicting parts of yourself saying give up or keep going it's in that place that you make the final decision.
One of my favourite quotes is below there are a few variations of it but to me sometimes we feel like it's just not in our fate to be great at something because it doesn't come naturally.
I hear it it with my students, I'm not smart anyway so who cares. I feel like saying no one will care, well not many will, but in 5,10,15 years time you definitely will.
The future is defined by our choices and as small as they seem today, they add up!
So many feels writing this haha, sorry y'all!
